Monday, July 22, 2019

"We Didn't Know"

Xiao Xiao, you were born at around 10 am on lunar April 21st, 2001, Puyang County, Henan Province. You weighed 3.2 kg.

When you were born, the one-child policy was very strict. In rural areas, if the first kid was a girl, the family would be allowed to have a second kid, but was forbidden from having a third one. If the first kid was a boy, and the mother conceived a second child by accident, the government would force her to have an abortion along with a huge amount of fine. It’s believed in China that having more descendants means more happiness and luck, so many people wanted more than one child, which may cost a whole family’s hiding away from home.

It’s a traditional belief in China that “there are three kinds of being unfilial, among which having no child is the greatest,” which means that a family should have a boy to heir. Your birth parents are traditional and they wanted to have a boy.

Before you, the family already had a girl. Even though they knew in advance that you were a girl, they didn’t choose to abort. However, at the same time, they also wanted a boy. The final decision was that they would give birth to you, entrust you to your uncle for some time, and then take you back home.

You kept coughing since you were born. We took you to several hospitals, all in vain. Finally we took you to the People Hospital in Hebi, a city where your second aunt lived. Doctors there had better medical skills at that time. During this period, all of us were afraid of you being found by the government. We suffered both physically and psychologically. We rushed about for you and took good care of you in turn. We all loved you very much.

When you started to talk at the age of 2, you often said that you had three pairs of parents: your birth parents, your uncle & aunt, and your second aunt & uncle. They all loved you very much. Even then the family condition was not good, they would try their best to satisfy your needs, like if you wanted something to eat or play with. Especially your grandmother (your birth mother's mother): you were the apple of her eye.

You had shown many good qualities since you were little. You were outgoing, not afraid of strangers, and smart. The family all believed that you would be outstanding when you grew up. They said something like they would send you to a good school, and you could go to a college in the future (At that time, entering a college was not easy, and people thought it promised a good accomplishment in the future). When you were about 3, they sent you to a kindergarten near your second aunt’s, but didn’t know that you ended up in orphanage (It’s not until your adoptive mother told us did we finally get to know that the place you went was an orphanage). Your birth parents knew nothing about it. They were illiterate. They didn’t know what “orphanage” meant. They only knew that you were supposed to be studying in there.

When you were adopted and left China, we all missed you very much. Thinking of you, we were in tears, especially your grandma. Your birth mom said that your grandma missed you so much that she got ill. When she passed away, she still missed you, repeatedly saying that “Xiao Xiao finally came back home!””I finally met Xiao Xiao!” - she missed you so much that she had disillusions.

Later, we got in touch with your adoptive mother. Knowing that you are well and loved by your adoptive parents, we felt relieved. We often looked at the letters and photos your adoptive parents sent to us when we missed you.

Recently, we heard that you were going to go back China, we were all excited, anxious to meet you. The family members asked for leave at work ahead of time to wait for you. Your elder sister, your younger brother, your cousins all came to meet you, some from other places. Your aunt and uncle also planned to come, but they couldn’t get a leave at work. They had intended to have a video talk with you when you came back. The point I want to make by saying this is that all of us cared foryou very much. We didn’t abandon you on purpose. It was an accident that sent you away from us.

Following are two funny stories about you when you were little:

1. You were braver than all the peers. If you wanted toys or snacks, other kids were noncompetitive compared to you. You weren’t scared of fish at all, while other 3-year-olds were. When you saw the fish bouncing, you would giggle.

2. You loved singing, as cute as a cream in milk. You often wore your hair in four braids, jumping and dancing and singing. You were also a naughty girl, making all the little “damages”.