Finding the Needle in the Haystack Through DNA

Hi all! My name is Lilou. I am 21 years old and I am a Chinese adoptee from Wuchuan (Guangdong Province). I am in the third year of studying 'International business for Asia', where part of my studies is learning the Chinese language.

From a young age, I was always curious about my origins. As a child I was often bothered by the fact that I was adopted. Fortunately, I was never bullied and I do not really suffer from discrimination. When I hear stories from other adoptees, I am sometimes shocked by the discrimination they experience.

I look back on my adoption in a positive way, I do realize that I have had opportunities here in the Netherlands that I could not have had in China. My parents have always been open about the adoption and have tried to explain the situation to me as best as possible when I was young. Because of this, I was never really angry with my birth parents as a child, but the urge to seek out my birth parents was growing.

In 2015, I started searching for my biological parents, which I did in several ways: Putting myself in all the databases, going to China [five times] to flyer with a search guide, being in the newspaper in Zhanjiang, and meeting several people in China. Nothing happened.

[In 2019 I matched to a first cousin once removed through GedMatch!] I am extremely grateful to Lan and Brian Stuy for all their help! By 2019 Lan had taken as much DNA as possible from the relatives of my "first cousin once removed", giving me a match with my biological mother!

Since then, I have added a large family, which I am extremely happy about. Early last year (2020), I went to my biological sister's wedding. And I was able to experience for 10 days what my life would have been like if I had never been adopted. This special experience has taught me many life lessons, and made me realize how good we have it in the Netherlands.

I am grateful that I have been to China eight times on vacation, got to know the culture and my biological parents. And that my Dutch parents were happy to help me with my search and have put a lot of time, energy and money in it.

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PS -- Lilou walked the traditional search path, hiring a searcher to put up fliers around Huangpo Town in Wuchuan, the area where the orphanage indicated she had been found. These posters included her finding date of early March 2000, and photos of the Huangpo Town Radio & TV Station, her finding location. With Xixi's help, Lilou tracked down the police officer involved in the finding. He confirmed the finding, telling Lilou that he remembered finding her. He offered to help them in the search. 

The problem was that she was born in Meilu Town (the downtown area of Wuchuan), seventeen kilometers away, and was, according to the birth mother, relinquished by a grand-parent when she was over a year old. Not only had the birth family never seen the posters, but they would not have recognized their daughter given that they thought she was more than a year old when she went into the orphanage, not a relatively newborn like Lilou's poster indicated. The police officer also had nothing to do with any finding in Huangpo Town, but had made up the story to satisfy her inquiry. 

Lan collected the relative's DNA during filming of "One Child Nation" in 2018. Lan and the crew were walking around Zhenwan Town when they met the relative in a market. This relative had no idea her family member had also relinquished a child. Lan persuaded her to check with her cousins, and sure enough, Lilou's birth family was identified.