In 2016 there was a total of 7.2 billion in the world. You can
imagine how difficult it would be to find your little cousin among them. But,
at this very moment, reality is even more brilliant than in the movies. On
April 10, 2020, a DNA test told me that we had found my little cousin Aiya, who
had been separated from us for years! She now lives happily with Karen and John
[names changed] in Washington State, USA.
The story begins with the One-Child policy in China, which became
the basic state policy in September 1982, and was written into the constitution
in December 1982. In 1990s China, the conception of “a son is better than a
daughter” was prevalent in rural areas, because at that time labor was very
important. People at that time also believed it best to “have a son, so he can
support you when you are old” and “a son can carry on the family’s blood”. As a
result, many rural families insisted to have a son, even when they were poor.
But with the development of China’s economy and the change of policy which
allows one family to have two children, the conception of “a son is better
than a daughter” has gradually been changed.
Aiya was born on December 28, 2002, in a poor rural village in the
Dabie mountains. She was a healthy cute
girl, my uncle’s second child. In rural areas, when people violated the
one-child policy, they would receive severe punishments. My uncle and aunt were
scared, so a family relative suggested to them to send Aiya into the orphanage
in Anhui province when she was a month old. Since then, they always missed her.
Aiya lived in the welfare house for some time before Karen
and John adopted her, which her birth parents had no idea of at that time. In
May 2004, they found out that their daughter had been adopted when they
received a letter from Karen and John who got the address though a birth note
from the orphanage through the adoption [The orphanage director was a relative
of the birth family, so special liberties were afforded] . The letter from
Karen stated that Aiya lived well, and they would like to learn some
information about her birth parents. In March 2005, Aiya’s birth uncle wrote a
letter in reply. At that age, when people came across this kind of thing, they
would be surprised as well as scared - they were afraid this would bring
punishments. It may seem weird to you, but in China, it’s true. Sadly, the
letter never arrived with the adoptive family. After that, they lost
connection.
In Chinese New Year 2019, I talked with my uncle about this.
He and my aunt missed Aiya very, very much, and looked forward to a reunion one
day. It’s really difficult to find a person in another country relying on just
one letter, but the power of love urged me to try my best to find her, to
realize my family’s dream.
On February 14th, 2016, I sent an e-mail to “Waiting for Me (等着我）” which is the biggest TV show helping to search for beloved ones in
China. I also contacted the US Embassy in China and asked for their help. But I
got no response at all from either. Many people told me that I couldn’t succeed
in this way. This made me upset. The search was suspended.
You can never predict what will happen. On January 31, 2020, Lan
befriended me on Wechat. She told me that she might be able to find my little
cousin Aiya. She provided my uncle’s handwriting of Aiya’s basic information and
the response letter, which made me sure that this was definitely my cousin! It
was so unexpected. I shared this great news with my mom, uncle and aunt right
away. They were also shocked. Then my cousin Aiya’s older sister did a DNA test from Lan.
On April 8,2020, Lan told us the exciting news: We found my cousin! It was like
a dream coming true.
We were thrilled, as well as Aiya’s adoptive parents. Better late
than never, we found her! On the second day, we had a video talk for the first
time for 2 hrs and 15 mins on Wechat. Thanks to the help of Lan, we overcame
the obstacle of language. We enjoyed this talk very much. We talked about
family and hobbies. Because of the 15
hour time difference, we finished this talk early.
Now, we will introduce family members to each other and share
happy moments in life in the group “Aiya’s birth family”. We look forward to
meeting each other in person after COVID-19 comes to an end. Best wishes to
Aiya and her adoptive family! Thank you for your great love, Karen and John!
Also thank you, Lan and other kind people for realizing our dream! Hope this
kind of miracles be more!
Aiya, you are so lucky! I was so moved by your adopted mom’s
stories about you that I can’t help crying when I saw them. I was deeply
touched by your adoptive parents. We cannot thank them enough!
Your adoptive mother said, “You are the greatest
gift to your mom and dad. You are mom’s breath which gives her power.” Through these lines,
we can see the love they hold to you.
Your story begins in your orphanage. Your adoption documents fail
to tell the truth. You were not abandoned. At that time in China, families in
rural areas were really poor. Living in a village, labor force meant a lot,
that is, people think if they had a son, they would have a person to rely on
economically. Maybe it’s difficult for you to understand, but this is China at
that time. Now with the development of education, young people think
differently. I don’t mean to defend your birth parents, but they didn’t stop
missing you for one single moment in these 17 years. Luckily, your adopted
parents prepared a lot to meet you. On October 2nd, your adoptive parents
received your photo from CASI. From this moment, you were bonded closely with
them by destiny. On October 29th, they took on the trip to China, for which
they had been prepared for a long time.
On November 27th, you met for the first time. If there was a
time machine, I’d like to go back to the meeting moment as a witness. I believe
they were nervous, curious, delighted, and most importantly, happy because of
you, like a dream came true. From then, you became their world.
I can feel their deep and true love for you. They raised you up in
these 17 years with love.
From your lovely family photos, I can imagine that your growth must
be full of laughter. You are so kind and understanding. Please forgive your
birth parents! They will love you always.
Let us step forward with each other from now on! Looking
forward to meeting you in person, talking in both English and Chinese!
This article is a present for Aiya. She now knows the secret of
her destiny. There are many other children who have similar experiences like
Aiya who are still looking for the answer. I hope you all keep it in your mind,
that birth parents always love their children. In old-time China, parents were
not allowed to have a second child with them, which made you adopted children.
Please remember, your parents miss you all the time. They are looking for you,
but it’s so hard that this may take a whole-life time. If you begin to
search too, the reunion may be earlier! Like movie Forrest Gump said, “Life
was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”
April 18th, 2020, Shanghai
Editor’s
note: Aiya’s story is unusual in that an orphanage officer, as part of the
adoption paperwork, slipped a note to the adoptive family with the birth
mother’s brother’s address and their daughter’s birth name and birth date. The
adoptive family wanted to visit the address while in China, but their guide
told them not to do it. When they got home, they were still curious, so Karen
wrote a letter to the address. In her letter she did not include her mailing
address, however. So, no contact was possible until Lan re-established contact
with the birth cousin and later the birth sister.
